“One minute you’re up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don’t go to college and they’ve repossessed your Bentley.” –Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) Trading Places
I find it easy to feel down when I don’t know when I’m going to be able to pay my rent. My car payment is 3 months behind and I just did my grocery shopping at the fucking food bank (that was a first ). But there is something that I have come to realize. Everyone has some shit that is bringing them down, some of it is legitimately heavy, some is not… if you’re looking for shit to feel down about- you WILL find it. Same goes, if you’re looking for the good shit.
Mental health bro. Fuck.
I’m looking down as I write this, watching the L-O-V-E-L-I-F-E bounce up and down on my fingers as I type. Getting tattoo’s on one’s fingers is a bold statement. A “fuck you” to the man. A promise to myself to be myself.
LOVE LIFE is a reminder to keep perspective, when life hurts, when even breathing hurts, when all the noise in my head is so loud that my vision blurs, when I suddenly feel adrenaline surging through my body as if I had a gun being held against my head… but I’m just driving to work, no traffic…
LOVE LIFE reminds me that even though there are hurdles in my life that I have been fighting to overcome for over a decade, hurdles that have yet to go away, there is also a ton of good, and sometimes what looks like a hurdle form one angle, looks like an opportunity from another. I choose to focus on more of the good shit than bad shit. Don’t get me wrong, I see the bad shit, and I SHOULD see the bad shit. You can’t change it, or improve it if you don’t acknowledge that it’s there. Can’t be a fucking ostridge about it.
I started this blog, not as an advice column, I’m not the best person to provide advice (clearly). And not to teach people how to be poor either. Being poor blows, and I don’t plan on being poor any longer than necessary. I write this blog because everyone has some shit they are dealing with, whether it’s an addiction, a disability, being poor, being unable to budget, an inability to maintain a healthy relationship, whatever it is your secret, your shame- everyone has some shit they are dealing with that they AREN’T talking about! Nobody likes to talks about this stuff. The shit. The dirt. The ugly underbelly of our facades that we all wear. This is about learning to accept the current situation, and then adjust accordingly to create a better situation.
This is my happy place, where I can be open and transparent about my struggles. Where I hope to inspire someone else who is in the thick of it, to not only see the good, the light at the end of the tunnel and all that smiley fluff- but to also appreciate the struggle. Feel it, and learn from it. And please know that even though you may feel like you’re the only one, the lone wolf- you’re not that special.We all feel it. We just don’t talk about it.
I want to change that.
You breath, eat, love, smoke weed, laugh with neighbors…
Walk on the ground, breath in the air, soak up the sun, and love.
Love so much. As much as you can possibly send into the universe.
Angelique Dagger 